Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize