we have officially mastered the walk of shame
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
