They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
