Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize