i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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