Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
