tell your sister to shave her snatch
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
