Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
