I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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