Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
