so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We have started to decorate penises.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
