I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
