So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
That reminds me...we need to get swords
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
