You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
