I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
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