I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
