I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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