he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
