In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Randomize
