so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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