what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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