I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
