i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
