I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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