I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I have post one night stand depression
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
