you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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