saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
