Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
