I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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