Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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