Me too!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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