It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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