I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
