There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
