White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
