eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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