The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
