yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
