distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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