I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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