It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think i got beer on your cat.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
