Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
