I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
