you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
