What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
