honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
