**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
