no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize