We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
