Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
