The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
