Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
