My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
