They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
