Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize