someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
