what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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