Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude i'm inner monologue high
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
