it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
