You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
