i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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