you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
