so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
