VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
