btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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