she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
did you just send me my own nude
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
